By Neibert David
Jesus was teaching His disciples how to pray to God – the Father in Matthew 6:9-13. As part of this model prayer Jesus says in Matthew 6:12 (NIV – New International Version): “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” With this statement, Jesus was acknowledging that we as human beings are fallible. He was saying that we will sin against God, and we sin against others. He is also admitting that other people will sin against us. Jesus is communicating that because of these sins, there will be a need for all human beings to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.
We live in a fallen world, therefore we are to shift our thinking to understand that we will sin against God and people, and other people will sin against us. If we have this perspective, we will not be as deeply traumatized when others hurt us. We will sin against others, and they will sin against us. Yet, we are to evaluate the types of sins that were committed against us. Was the sin due to a lack of proper communication? Is there evidence that the sin was intentional? Could the sin be a result of the enemy of humankind (the devil) trying to destroy the relationship? Is it that this person is weak in that area, and his/her interactions have come across as sin?
In other words, we are to examine the fruit produced by the person and not just the sin that they committed. In our evaluation, we are to examine the person’s attitude towards us and towards other people. We are to be careful not to assign our assumptions to the actions of others without first examining their track record. When we examine the fruit or the attitude of the individual, we are forced to be objective about the current sin. We are forced to examine whether the weakness that was identified is ours or theirs.
This examination also has the potential to identify any seeds planted by the enemy before they have a chance to germinate and produce destruction in the relationship. This destruction can sometimes be very evident in family relationships, where family members are used by Satan against each other. The key is plucking up any seeds of destruction before they have time to germinate.
Additionally, as we are examining the fruit of the individual and the relationship, we are to discern whether any separation is from God. Not only are we examining to determine the influence of the enemy, but we are also examining to see if ultimately God is using this situation to move us out of a relationship that will be a hindrance in the future. If it is ultimately God who is moving us on and out of the relationship, why then should we get or even stay angry with the person for their actions?
This is one reason why a close relationship with God is necessary for our lives because He will reveal whether ultimately the sin of the other person can lead us closer to His path for us. Or God will reveal whether it is the enemy who has influenced the sin with the intention to bring death to the relationship. As we examine these situations, we must be balanced! We must be sober-minded! We must be grounded! We must be alert!
1 Peter 5:8 (NIV) says – “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” The same verse in the Amplified (AMP) Version puts it this way: “Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.”
In telling His disciples to forgive others as they wanted God to forgive them, Jesus highlighted a key concept. It is this: we ask God to forgive us, but we will only be forgiven by God based on the level of forgiveness that we extend towards other people.
In other words, God will not forgive us if we are holding other people captive in our hearts; that is, we refuse to forgive other people. This is a tough concept to grasp because people would like to live their lives in their own way. If we don’t feel like forgiving a person, then we want the prerogative to not forgive them. We don’t want anyone including God to tell us that we should forgive. But God has already told us what He wants us to do. We must forgive!
How many of us believe that God will change His mind from what He already said? Will you raise your hand if you believe that God is going to change His mind from what He already said? No takers? So, why do we secretly and silently argue with God concerning what He has already said? Every time that we do not obey what He has already said, we are secretly and silently turning our noses up at God. According to Matthew 6:12: we forgive others; God forgives us! We do not forgive others; God does not forgive us! Therefore, we must forgive the debts, offenses, and trespasses that other people have committed against us for God to forgive us of our debts, offenses, and trespasses against Him.
The process of forgiving can be lengthy depending on how much trauma we have suffered through our life’s experiences. But, as we keep our hands in the hands of our God, we will experience victory in our lives and hearts as we forgive. God will turn things around for us. It is crucial for us to understand that if we want forgiveness, forgiveness is vital for us to practice.
Yet, the concept and process of forgiving and releasing those who have caused us severe trauma can be a difficult one. We may try to justify not forgiving someone based on the level of trauma that we suffered. However, receiving forgiveness from God is tied to us forgiving other people – no matter what they have done to us.
As we forgive, we must also be wise people. We are called to be wise and forgiving. We are wise when we forgive the trespasses of others, and we are also wise when we place boundaries around the relationships with people who show no willingness to repent for the trespasses that they have done. Yes, we must learn to develop boundaries with people who do not respect themselves enough to show and demonstrate respect for us. As it was said before, forgiving those who have caused us severe trauma will not be easy. But when we submit ourselves to the process of forgiveness, we will be much stronger and more effective in our lives, ministry, and in our relationships. When we forgive others, we will open ourselves to receive from the Lord the forgiveness that we need, and He will offer provisions that we need in our emotions, spirit, and in our soul. The truth is we are the biggest beneficiaries of forgiving others. Let us repeat this statement aloud: I am the biggest beneficiary of forgiving others! Forgiving others is so worth it!
In the process of forgiving, we must first acknowledge and admit what was done to us; all of it. We are to acknowledge and admit that what was done was wrong, after that we can fully forgive the person. As we acknowledge and admit the wrong done, we will be the shining light on what happened. Light brings truth, and truth can now be the anchor for forgiveness. If we don’t acknowledge and admit that what was done was wrong, we are not being truthful. The truth makes us free. In our entire lives, truth must be our anchor!
In the process of forgiving, some people will not admit that they have done wrong to us. People who can’t admit that they have done wrong cannot be trusted. Therefore, we would be wise to place boundaries on those relationships. These people are not worthy to be in close proximity to our lives, because they will repeat what they have done before. If they cannot admit that they were wrong, they may not have learned from the experience of mistreating you, and they will do it again. They can cause a disruption of peace in our lives. And our peace is to be guarded!
There are some people who will not admit that they were wrong, but you will begin to see a change in their behavior. Even though you are seeing some changes proceed with extreme caution in the relationship because these people still have not admitted the truth. This means that they can revert to their old habits. Proper boundaries must be established and maintained with anyone who will not admit and acknowledge the truth of their behavior towards us.
Yet, in all these circumstances and situations, we all must forgive. We must forgive every one of their trespasses against us. The strength of our relationship with God depends on us forgiving everyone who has ever trespassed against us. Let us be obedient to the Word of God and forgive! Let us also forgive ourselves for what we have done. With this God is pleased!
